40 things Dan's not allowed to do
by TheOtherUsernamesWereTaken
Summary: Yep.. Amy left me a whole list of rules! Rated T for humorous swearing
1. Chapter 1

**I got bored so I decided to make this thingy here, it would be a list 50 things but I couldn't think of much after 40 so there you are :D this was inspired by another story called "150 things I'm Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts"**

The following was in a letter Amy left me before she and Nellie went on their three day vacation before she left wit the Cobra's

Dear Dan,

You're not a saint. You're the devil. The following are things you're not allowed to do.

-Amy Cahill

So you wanna hear the list eh? WELL YOU CAN'T! Naw, I'm kidding actually. Hope you find these rules funny, I DON'T!

This is a list of 40 things I'm not allowed to do.

1. I'm not allowed to refer to Alistair as the cat-in-the-hat.

2. I'm not allowed to call Ned and Ted thing 1 and thing 2.

3. I'm not allowed to ask Ian if he's gay. Even if I think he is.

4. Natalie is not my "bitch" so I may not refer to her as that.

5. I must remember Saladin cannot and will never be able to fly.

6. I shouldn't ask Nellie where she got her hair piece.

7. Hamilton's football helmet is not a bowling ball. I may not use it as one.

8. Natalie's dart guns are also not to be used as bowling pins.

9. Sinead is also not my bitch.

10. Saladin must remember that Amy's books are not scratching posts.

11. I must remind him of that.

12. I can't fly. So I must not try, the hospital bills annoy Fiske.

13. I'm not allowed to tell Ian to not get his "knickers in a twist".

14. I'm not allowed to tell Natalie that too.

15. Messing with a Lucian might result in poison in my cereal.

16. Amy is not Ian's pimp.

17. Madison and Reaghan don't like to be called "sleeping bitch and she-hulk".

18. Ian's real name is Ian not Bella. I must remember that.

19. I should not sell pictures of Jonah wearing a dress on the Internet

20. Pissing off Amy when she's mad is a bad idea

21. Ian's middle name is not arse. I must remember that

22. I'm not invisible win I wear my ninja costume so I'm not allowed to make faces at the Holt twins.

23. I can't tell Uncle Fiske that Ian took Amy's virginity just to see how he reacts.

24. Amy's books are not to be used to make a fort.

25. I should not annoy Amy while she's got a hard book in her hand.

26. Sinead's not Hamilton's bitch.

27. Ned and Ted are twins not clones.

28. I shouldn't call british people "git".

29. Jonah is a girl name but I must not tell Jonah that.

30. Isabel and Vikram don't like receiving videos of me doing a gloating dance.

31. I am not an exception to the rules of gravity.

32. Eating a bag skittles that weigh is a bad idea. I shouldn't do it.

33. No matter how much Amy acts like it she's not a love alien from mars. I'm not allowed call her that.

34. Skating inside the house is not a smart idea. I shouldn't do it.

35. A rule is a rule. You can't change it's definitions even if you erase it.

36. I shouldn't call Cora Wizard Isabel's lesbian bitch.

37. Piss-Ian-Off is not a real holiday even if all my lovely Cahill cousins besides Ian and my sister celebrate it.

38. Stalk Natalie is also not a real day.

39. Monkeys are not house pets.

40. When bored, there are other things to do other than sobbing and pretending to be a girl on her period. I must not do that.

**Review, even if its just one word! Hope you liked it! And tell me if there are mistakes**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, sad is it is, I'm not allowed to make lists on here but I do wanna continue this though, so I had a good idea (yeah, I'm surprised too..) to take a few of the rules and make stories about them so its technically not just a list. In a sense, bookgirl39 gave me this idea, so thank you! By the way, they're two years older. Dan's 14 and so's Natalie. If they were still 11, this would be a bit strange... And also, they're all a bit OOC but you know, that makes it funnier! This is a long author's note, no? Well one last thing so it makes sense, Isabel and Vikram are dead! Why? Cause I hate them.**

Dan's POV

**A**my and Nellie were still away and Dan was still stuck with the Cobra's. Well, just one Cobra now. Ian had to schedule a "business trip" to Hawaii. Yeah right, lame excuse you [insert harsh word here] Cobra! that's where Amy and Nellie went. I sat on a chair in the guest bedroom of the Kabra mansion looking bored and miserable as one can be. Being the angelic saintly brother that I am, I looked for rules that Amy had forgotten to break and entertain myself.

Rule number 23: I can't tell Uncle Fiske that Ian took Amy's virginity just to see how he reacts.

I never actually have done that before… And why would Ames put it on the list if I hadn't? A warning? Nah, why would she think I'd do that? UNLESS ITS TRUE! "NATALIE! GET IN HERE!" I yelled. Idiot. Both of them! Not just Ian! Even though, I'm older now and don't get creeped out so easily, that is still disgusting. Cobra and my sister! They better name the baby after me! "DANIEL CAHILL! I TOLD YOU N-" I shoved the list in her face. "Look at number 23." I said closing my eyes and rubbing my temples, trying to get those nasty thoughts out of my head. Natalie threw her head back and laughed loudly and snorted a bit too. "You really did that? What did he do?" She asked me gleefully smiling. "I didn't." I replied bluntly. First her face went blank, then her eyes went wide and she dropped the list. "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" she screamed.

No one's POV

Natalie kept shrieking "ew" for about five minutes, and despite Dan also being disgusted he was laughing his head off. "Natalie, you know, we could actually break all these rules to see what happens." Dan said after she finally stopped. Natalie was still a bit creeped out still but now she was starting to smile, well, smirk but that's as close as a Kabra gets to a smile. "Are you sure they won't kill us if we do this?" Natalie asked carefully. She liked life, and an angry Amy was very very scary, even to her and Ian. "SURE THEY WILL! But they love us right?" Dan said while he rubbed his hands together much like a cartoon villain. "Idiot.." Natalie muttered rolling her eyes but she couldn't help grinning thinking of the rain of mischief that would be soon to come. He grinned at her, much like an idiot. "But wait, do we just go up to Fiske and tell him then say we're kidding five minutes later?" Natalie asked sounding sort of sad. "Heh, hell no! We tell him then he's probably gonna send a jet to get them back including Nellie, I think she'll be surprised too."

A WHILE LATER...

Natalie and Dan arrived at a small Victorian mansion, in a limo. Then ignoring the doorbell, Dan proceeded to bang his fist on the door while Natalie muttered about him being a "git". A while later Fiske opened the door and looked down on them, "Hello there Dan and Natalie, is anything wrong?" He asked as the two went in and looked as serious as two 14 year old's could. "Uncle Fiske, it's about Ian and Amy." Dan said. "WHAT HAPPENED! DID THE VESPERS ATTACK THEM! NO!" He yelled actually holding back tears. "NO! Listen here, they've had a hidden relationship and we've found out that Ian has already taken Amy's virginity." Natalie told him and then watched to see how he'd react. First he started pacing, then he started muttering while pacing. This continued on for a loooong while till he finally went upstairs. Dan and Natalie didn't say anything just in case but they did have huge smiles on their faces till Fiske came back down with a machine gun. "Uh oh.." Dan whispered softly. "KIDS! We're going to Hawaii."

**And that's the first part of this :D Not the best I know, but it'll get funny next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**The second part of rule #23 :D Amy and Ian are in trouble! Fiske is like way out of character in this one..**

**Disclaimer: I no own the 39 Clues... Sadness!**

On the shore of the island of Honolulu (Hawaii's capital) three teenagers sat. There was a redhead, a black haired boy, and a girl who's hair color I don't know because it was dyed with many colors. The crazy haired girl was sitting on one of the lounge chairs tanning herself. The redhead and black haired boy were sitting on the sandy shore talking. "So glad you came, Nellie's been way too busy getting a tan to talk much." Amy said smiling at the black haired boy. Ian chuckled and then gave her a big smile "Well, being here is a whole lot better than listening to Natalie and Dan argue." the two laughed happily together and chatted about other random things.

* * *

><p>While at the same time, a sleek black jet had landed in the Honolulu airport. Natalie and Dan were about to get out before Fiske stopped them. "Wait kids, we're gonna need disguises..."<p>

A WHILE LATER... **(its better than just a line alright?)**

The kids had put on their disguises! And only the kids, because Fiske was just wearing his usual black suit. Out of the plane stepped out a girl with dark coffee colored skin and dark red hair and next to her... A blonde girl who looked a bit awkward and looked like she wanted to murder the redheaded girl. Next to the two, a tall man stood wearing a tuxedo and dark glasses. "Now, now, Daniella! You musn't be like that, smile." Natalie told Dan while she held back her laughter. Dan gave her a death glare at her. "Shut up Rihianna." he said still glaring.

* * *

><p>Amy and Ian were still on the same rock still talking while swinging their legs. "For real, Armani is not always good! I mean sometimes yo-AHHHHHH!" A panicked scream broke Amy's sentence. Ian and Amy jumped off the rock and ran to Nellie who was looking around seeing who had screamed. It was a dark skinned girl with blood red hair. She was telling the life gaurd something hurriedly waving her arms around while the blonde girl next to her looked half amused and half pissed off. The life gaurd nodded and got a bullhorn (god knows where he got that because I don't) and yelled "EVERYONE AWAY! THERE'S A CAR THEIF! EVERYONE GO PROTECT YOUR CAR!" the life gaurd yelled and all the people went away but as Amy, Ian, and Nellie were about to go, Dan said in a really high pitched voice "Except for you three,". "Would you three- I mean, would y'all c'mon along with us folks?" Natalie asked trying hard to sound southern. It was part of their "disguise". "IAN KABRA! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Nellie yelled at Amy. Ian backed away and hid behind Amy cowering. "Nellie, shush, we don't know what he's done yet." said looking calm. "OH! So just blame the poor Kabra eh? YOU KNOW WHAT! YOU CAN GO SUCK IT AND YOU! CAN GO SUCK IT HARD!" Ian said glaring at Nellie. "Ian! Nellie! Shush, now!" and all the while, Daniella, the wanna-be-popstar Natalie, and Fiske just looked bored as if used to this. After Amy finally finished yelling she looked at Dan and said "Now, what were you gonna ask?" she said smiling at them. "Well, it's a very-ARE YOU VIRGIN OR NOT!" Dan interrupted Fiske's sentence. As said, he was mad and Fiske was gonna drag the question on and on. "No..." Amy said looking creeped out. "And this guy," he pointed at Ian, "Took your virginity right?". "Amy nodded. Natalie fainted, Ian hid behind Amy, and Nellie, along with Fiske yelled at the two. Dan face palmed himself.<p>

**Sorry I'm so late and its short but there you are! Rule #23 is finished! Now what other rule should I do? R&R :D And thanks so much to all of you for the past reviews!**


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